This one time on the subway

Years ago, before kids, before the suburbs, before going to the grocery store alone became a luxury– Mike and I were riding the subway…. I think we had gone to Union Square to pick up groceries from Trader Joe’s or Whole Foods (or wherever) and were heading home–  but I’m not entirely sure. …

What I do remember– is that during the entire subway ride a man kept repeating himself, almost chanting “here we go, back and forth, round and round, back and forth…here we go, back and forth, round and round… Grand Central…very popular…here we go back and forth, round and round.” The chant went on and on… and on.

And while this whole incident was pretty tame compared to some of the crazy things I saw on the subway while in New York, it has stuck with me.

For years, when things have seemed repetitive or tedious Mike and I will sometimes look at each other and start the chant “here we go back and forth, round and round…”  It’s become a  joke between us…

Lately, it describes my life…

HERE WE GO… the mornings start with a bang…I’m up as soon as the baby wakes and it’s basically go, go, go from there. Feeding the baby, feeding the toddler (who has only one volume in the mornings- LOUD!!), attempting to feed myself (please, please let there be coffee)…

BACK and FORTH- Bickering or negotiating or (gasp!) bribing Addie to put on her coat or eat her breakfast or ______ (insert morning battle here)…

ROUND and ROUND- Trying to do one quick thing– a load of laundry or emptying the dishwasher. Doing it …and then spending twice the time cleaning up the mess that Addie managed to make during that time.

BACK and FORTH- bickering or negotiating or (gasp!) bribing over lunch, over potty training, over leaving the playground, over naptime.

ROUND and ROUND – time to feed the baby, feed the toddler, attempt to feed myself (how much caffeine can I have while breastfeeding? Please let there be decaf!!)

And so on and so on and so on…

Sometimes it seems like the ride will never end…that I’ll just keep on chanting…and chanting…

AND THEN there’s a moment of quiet, a moment where I look over and Addie is reading to Teddy… A moment where we all snuggle up and read a book…A toddler’s laugh. A baby’s giggle. My toddler and my baby holding hands, looking at each other, smiling… my toddler and my baby sleeping sweetly.

I know I haven’t written in a while. I’ve been here…on this ride, going round and round and round and back and forth. Feeling like I’m losing my mind and feeling like my heart is so full it could burst all at once. Trying to soak up these moments. Trying to be OK with my dining room turning into a laundry storage room. Trying to remember that they’ll only be this little once. Trying to be present. Trying my best. 

Because I know that before long these days will just be a memory– something that Mike and I discuss– just like this one time on the subway…

2 thoughts on “This one time on the subway

  1. I can definitely relate to this. Sometimes I feel like I’m on a nonstop tilt-a-whirl and then at other times, it’s like the whole world is standing still. It’s funny how parenthood is like that. I love how you captured that with your sweet story. And, by the way, your children are absolutely precious!

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